


Safe and Sound

by proseccoandpd



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Physical Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-10
Updated: 2021-02-10
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:34:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29336133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/proseccoandpd/pseuds/proseccoandpd
Summary: I remember tears streaming down your face when I said I'll never let you go...What we may not see post 8x04 after Hailey and Jay briefly discuss how her visit with her father went
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 6
Kudos: 67





	Safe and Sound

_Hi, Friends! Happy #OneChicagoDay_

_This idea came to me as a follow up to 8x04 and it turned out way longer than I expected. Hope you like!_

_For some context – since we don’t know anyone’s exact ages – Jay is 36, born in 1985 and Hailey is 31, born in 1991 (when she tells Trudy how she remembers her, Hailey says she was 12 in 2003.)_

_TW: Minor mentions of abuse and death._

_xo, S._

It had been a few weeks since Hailey told her little white lie to Jay. And it was eating her alive.

Jay has been so patient with her, he wasn’t pushing her to open up, and he didn’t take any offense when she told him she didn’t want his help. Jay was simply there, he sat next to her on the couch that night and drank his beer, and watched a re-run of the Blackhawks game with her, as they cuddled on her couch.

As she sat at her desk, her partner and boyfriend sitting across from her, she tried to focus on the same part of the report she’s been reading for the last five minutes. Her eyes saw words but her mind wasn’t comprehending. Jay looked up at her, noticing the faraway look in her eyes, and he stretched his leg down between the space of their desks, lightly kicking the toe of her boot,

“Penny for your thoughts?”

Hailey glanced up at him, giving him a small smile that she was positive didn’t reach her eyes. She needed to tell him what happened, to let him in a little bit more, to clear up some of the unknows that came with her harsh _you don’t know the half of it_. She couldn’t help but feel scared, that Jay wouldn’t want her emotional baggage.

The logical side of her knew that was crazy, given all they had been through together, but the irrational part of her knew that the trauma of an abusive childhood could be too much for some people. But she also knew Jay was a good man who had seen her at her lowest lows and her highest highs. She needed to tell him just a little bit more.

“Wanna come over later? I laid pastitsio this morning.” She raised her eyebrows at him, knowing that was his favorite Greek dish.

Jay’s eyes brightened at the mention of his favorite dinner Hailey makes,

“Hell yes. I’m already hungry. I’ll bring the beer.”

Hailey smiled and nodded, tapping her foot against his, and getting back to her report.

Still unable to focus on the words in front of her, her mind drifted off to that night at the hospital again…

_She had every intention of going to see her dad and talking to him. But when she got there and looked at him through the window, she froze. Every bad memory she had suppressed over the years came flooding back to her, hitting her like a ton of bricks. It was like her feet were detached from her body, they refused to move. As she saw him snap at his nurse, she recalled the millions of times he had snapped at her, resulting in a fist or a foot connecting with her body._

_So she left the hospital, willing the angry tears not to fall. She made it to her car and got in, leaning her head back and finally giving into it. She cried. She cried for her father having heart problems and her lack of feelings about that. She cried for every slap or hit he had ever given her. She cried because she didn’t know what to tell Jay. She just cried._

_Pulling herself together after a little while of just sitting there, letting the tears flow, she drove home, knowing Jay was going to be over soon. She got there and secured her gun and badge, splashing water on her face and putting some eye drops in to take down the puffiness there. Not bothering to change into comfy clothes, she padded to her fridge and pulled out a beer, deflatingly leaning against the counter and swirling her tongue around the lip of the bottle._

_Not knowing how much time had passed, she heard a knock on her door, already knowing who was on the other side. She walked over and opened it, revealing Jay on the other side. She gave him a small smile,_

_“Hi.”_

_Jay smiled back, and nodded,_

_“Hey.”_

_“Beer?”_

_“Yeah, sure.”_

_Hailey padded back over to her fridge, passing him a bottle of what she was drinking herself._

_“So how’d it go?_

_“Ughh...good. Glad I talked to him.”_

_She looked down, not meeting his eyes. Shocked at how easily the fib had slipped out of her mouth._

_Jay instantly knew that what came out of her mouth wasn’t the whole truth, but he let it slide. He knew that he couldn’t push her, and in due time, she would tell him more, explain more of what she meant by you don’t know the half of it. So he nodded at her and smiled, dropping the subject for now._

Hailey looked up from her computer screen, deciding she needed to get up and stretch her legs. She went first to the break room to start a fresh pot of coffee, and then headed to the locker room, needing a minute to herself.

She sat down on the bench, and leaned over, holding her head in her hands. Her stomach was aching and her hands were almost shaking. She hated that her father still had this much power over her, she had done the work and went to therapy for years to be able to cope and live a normal adult life. And she had been doing a damn good job, but, like how an ex-boyfriend always knows when you’re thinking about them, her father crept his way back into her life, just when she was finally turning the corner with Jay.

Lost in her thoughts again, she didn’t hear the locker room door open and softly close. She didn’t hear footsteps coming up behind her until she felt his hand on her back and she was nearly jumping out of her skin.

“Whoa, Hails, it’s just me.”

She heard Jay’s soft voice behind her but couldn’t bring herself to turn around and face him yet. She sat upright and tilted her head back, pleading for the tears to go away, already feeling the intense burning sensation behind her eyes. She let out a long, slow breath. Jay knew that meant she was either pissed off or almost crying. Judging by the faraway look in her eyes a few minutes ago, he guessed she was trying not to cry.

“Hailey.”

He placed his left hand on her shoulder while his right hand was still running up and down her back, playing with the ends of her hair. He smiled at that for a moment, recalling when he told her he loved her soft, wavy hair one night after falling into his bed with her.

_Jay was running his hand through Hailey’s hair, always having wondered what it would feel like between his fingers or fluttering around on his chest. She was curled into him, trying to slow her breathing down after another passion filled night of learning more about the other in this new way._

_“Your hair is so soft.”_

_She leaned her face into his shoulder, trying to suppress a giggle. She secretly loved when someone would play with her hair. But now, she loved it even more because it was Jay who was doing it. His strong hands, gently running from her scalp to the ends of her hair was putting her into a state of sleepy bliss._

_“Can I let you in on a secret?”_

_Jay pulled her even closer to his body, their legs tangling together as he pulled the covers higher over them, protecting them from the chill in the room._

_“Of course.”_

_“I love when someone plays with my hair. But…it feels even better now that you’re the one playing with it.”_

_Jay smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead,_

_“Copy you.”_

_Hailey placed her head on his chest, letting her hand snake up over his shoulder to rest on the base of his neck, her fingers running along his hairline. As he felt Hailey drifting off to sleep, he continued running his hands through her hair, his mind taking him back to his moments with Erin. She never let him play with her hair. In fact, after they’d finish, she would build her fort of six pillows, essentially barricading herself from him. Hailey on the other hand, couldn’t get closer to Jay and he loved that. Pulling her even closer to his body, feeling her wiggle into him, he happily drifted off to sleep himself._

Hailey’s sniffles brought him back to the present. He stood up, making his way to the door and quickly locked it so no one could bust in. He walked back to Hailey and squatted down in front of her, putting his hands on her knees.

“Babe.”

He rubbed his hands up and down her thighs gently, trying to give her some sort of comfort. Hailey opened her eyes at the new nickname he’d taken to calling her and let out another long breath.

“I lied.”

Jay tilted his head at her, silently questioning what she meant. She laced one of her hands with his, refusing to look at him, staring at their intertwined fingers.

“Hails, what do you mean?”

Jay rubbed his thumb over her knuckles. Another long breath came out of her mouth, and he felt a tear drop onto his fingers.

“That night a couple weeks ago…you asked me how it went with him…”

She couldn’t even bring herself to say my dad, but she knew Jay understood who she was referring to. She sniffled, embarrassed that she couldn’t control her crying.

“Yeah..”

Jay prompted her to continue, but he already knew what she was about to say. But judging from how upset she was, he knew he needed to let her say it.

“I said it was good, that I was glad I talked to him. But I didn’t. I…I uhh got there and stared at him through the glass. He snapped at his nurse and it was like I was instantly brought back to being a kid and watching him snap at my mom or my brothers or me. I couldn’t do it, Ja..Jay.”

Hailey finally raised her head to look at him, expecting him to be angry or pissed off, expecting him to yell at her. But she saw none of that. Jay stood up, bringing her up with him. He dropped her hand and brought both his hands to cup her face, tucking her hair behind her ears.

“Hailey, I know you didn’t talk to him. And that’s okay. I know you didn’t tell me right away because this is a lot for you. I get that. And whenever you’re ready, I will happily listen. Or let you cry, or let you yell, whatever you need, really.”

Hailey finally met his eyes and she saw nothing but warmth and compassion and understanding and love there. And then the tears fell freely, she couldn’t control it anymore. Jay pulled her body into his, not really caring that they were at work right now, and wrapped his arms around her, letting her cry into his chest. As she gripped the front of his shirt, he felt her body heaving, and he felt a piece of his own heart break. He cupped the back of her head, rubbing his thumb along the back of her neck, letting her get it all out.

Not knowing how much time had passed, he felt her body still and heard her sniffling. She pulled away from him slightly, Jay’s arms still wrapped around her, and looked at the wet mark she left on his shirt.

“Ugh, I’m sorry. I ruined your shirt.”

Jay chuckled and moved his hand from her neck to her cheek, running his thumb over her skin, wiping away the tears.

“I don’t care about my shirt. I care about you. Are you okay?”

Hailey shrugged and wiped the other side of her face,

“You’re not mad at me?”

He saw the pure shock on her face, and in that moment, he realized that she must’ve dealt with a past relationship where this did her in.

“Hailey, I could never be mad at you. Not about this. I need you to know, that however you want to handle this, I’m with you. I’m always with you.”

She nodded and padded over to her locker to grab a tissue.

“I was going to tell you later, after dinner. But I just couldn’t keep it to myself anymore, I feel terrible that I lied. We’ve been through so much to get here, and here I go, lying to you not even 48 hours after we first kissed.”

Jay crossed the room and placed both his hands on her shoulders, stopping her from the rant she was going on.

“Hey. It is okay. I’m going to take a leap here and assume that you opening up about the abuse you suffered hasn’t ended well for you. I promise you Hails, I’m in this. Good or bad, right or wrong, remember? If you let me, I will gladly help you carry this. And how many times have you stuck by me - lying for me, getting me out of multiple career ending situations. This is simply my turn to be there for you. Hailey, I want every part of you.”

Hailey stared at him, not knowing what to say. So, she decided to forego words and use her actions instead, lifting herself on her tiptoes, wrapping her arms around his neck, and kissed him. Hoping that he could feel all the emotion she was pouring into it. He did, judging by the way his arms dropped from her shoulders and wrapped around her waist, lifting her off the ground slightly, slipping his tongue between her lips.

They were brought back to reality as they heard a knock on the door, followed by Kim’s voice,

“Hailey? Are you okay?”

They pulled apart, and smiled at each other. Jay cracked a joke to lighten up the heavy moment they just shared,

“Sooo…you were going to soften the blow by winning me over with my favorite Greek food?”

Hailey dropped her head and chuckled,

“Yeah. Something like that. But, you’re still coming over, right?”

Jay chuckled and adjusted the hem of her sweater for her that he had just ruffled,

“Again, I say, hell yes. I’ll bring the beer.”

They heard Kim’s voice again,

“Hailey?”

Motioning for Jay to stay by the lockers, she walked to the door and flipped the lock, opening it for her.

“Sorry Kim, must’ve flipped it behind me.”

Kim shrugged, noting her red eyes and kind of puffy cheeks,

“Are you okay? Were you crying?”

Hailey played it off and smiled,

“Yeah, all good. I think the coffee is done.”

She tugged on Kim’s arm motioning her to follow her out and to the breakroom. Jay heard the door close and leaned his head against the wall, happy that Hailey opened just a little bit more to him. He felt his stomach grumble and could almost taste the pastitsio.

* * *

Hailey popped the food into the oven and headed to take a shower. She let the hot water wash over her and calm her nerves. It was just Jay coming over for dinner, like they had done a million times before. But tonight, it felt different to Hailey. She was getting ready to tell him one of the many stories, show him one of the few physical marks she had left. She knew he saw the scar on her ribcage when they were together.

She finished her shower and changed into her comfy clothes. She set her table and tidied up a bit, waiting for Jay. Before she knew it, she heard his knock. As she padded over to open the door, the thought of giving him a key passed through her mind, making her smile. She opened it for him, letting him in, when she saw a bottle of wine in his hands instead of beer. She stood on her tiptoes, giving him a kiss,

“Hi.”

He placed his hand on her waist, keeping her against his lips for a second longer and kissed her back,

“Hey.” She pulled down and took his jacket and the wine from his hands,

“Wine?” She chuckled, and quickly got her corkscrew and two glasses out.

Jay took the glass from her hand and sat down on her couch,

“It smells freaking good in here. I swear I’ve been tasting this all day.”

Hailey laughed and sat across from him, throwing her legs on his lap. His free hand fell to her ankles, rubbing the exposed skin there.

“Me too. It’s been a while since I made it.”

She burrowed into her couch and sipped her wine, getting lost in the feeling of Jay’s fingers drawing lazy patterns on her skin.

“It’s going to be a little while, it was ice cold when I put it in.”

Jay put his wine glass down on the side table and reached for her hand, pulling her up to a sitting position. She gave him her glass to do the same, she could feel her hands getting shaky again. Their ability to speak without words have obviously transferred over to their personal lives, as he sensed that she wanted to continue their earlier locker room situation.

Hailey tucked one leg under her and left one draped over Jay’s lap. She took a big breath and wrapped her hands in the sleeves of her sweatshirt. 

“So, I want to tell you a little bit more. But I can’t go into everything, not yet anyway.” She saw Jay nod at her, and shift his body so he was facing her more.

“Whatever you want to tell me, I’ll listen babe.” Hailey swallowed and gave him a small, tight lipped smile.

“Just...let me finish before you say anything, otherwise I probably won’t be able to.” Jay nodded at her again, “Deal.”

Hailey took a big huff of air.

“Okay. I’ve let on that he’d hit my mom right, and I was just a kid with a pillow over my head, trying to block it out. But then we all got older, and my oldest brother could drive. He’d disappear on the weekends, knowing it was always worse then. So Peter and I, my other brother, would be left to fend for ourselves. Mostly, we’d be down with my mom in the mornings until he’d come back from the restaurant around noon or so. That was our cue to gather like snacks and drinks or whatever and disappear for the day upstairs.”

Hailey paused for a second, gathering the rest of her thoughts. Jay took her hand in his and squeezed it gently. She kept going.

“The first memory I have of him coming at me and doing actual damage, more than just a bruise…I think I was maybe 13 or 14. So Peter was 16 or 17, and he could drive now too. Nick was long gone, he went to college out of state and I don’t remember him ever coming back to visit. But Pete was cool, always let me tag along when I could. His girlfriend was like the older sister I never had. Sometimes we would sleep there Saturday into Sunday, and Pete had to sleep on the couch but she let me crash with her.”

Hailey smiled fondly at the memory of her brother and his girlfriend.

“So, this weekend was one of the times I couldn’t tag along. And I got that, I couldn’t be his shadow. But he always tried his best to keep me out of the house. And if he wasn’t going to be there, he’d leave me money in case I needed to like take the L somewhere or whatever.”

She felt Jay squeeze her hand, running his thumb over her knuckles comfortingly.

“I was really hungry and had gone through the stash in my room. My mom and dad had gotten into it earlier that morning and I waited for the yelling to stop, assuming he had left and went to the bar, and my mom was the only one home. Well I was wrong that day. I went downstairs and saw him standing over her, she was already passed out, but he kept punching her. I think that was the time he broke her cheek bone. Me, being me, couldn’t just turn around and act like I didn’t see it. I yelled at him to stop hitting her. And he did, but then decided he was going to hit me. I saw this like, crazed look in his eyes, and I started to back away but he was too quick. My mom had been cooking something and there were knives and whatever spread out on the island. He grabbed me and shoved me into the counter, where the tip of a knife was. And he slammed with such force, the knife went into my side.”

She looked up and saw all the color gone from Jay’s face and his eyes glazed over. Hailey felt her own tears burning, but needed to keep going. She took another big breath and continued, not having thought about this memory in a long time.

“I didn’t realize I was essentially stabbed because of the adrenaline. After he slammed me into the island, he got a few good hits in and then stumbled out of the house. I didn’t want to call 911 or go to a hospital, so I put pressure on it myself and used Pete’s computer to look up how to do stitches.”

Hailey sniffled a little and used her free hand to pull up her hoodie, exposing her abdomen to him, and she pointed to the faint mark right above her left rib cage.

“Once I finished the academy and had insurance, I saw a plastic surgeon and he did a skin flap to fix the mess I made. It used to be way worse than this.”

Jay ran his finger over the mark and she shivered at his gentle, curious touch. She made eye contact with him and smiled, feeling sort of relieved that she got this out. There was so much more to tell, but this was a good first step in her mind.

Jay leaned over and pressed his lips to the scar, both of his hands gripping her torso. She was so small against him, his hands basically covering the width of her. He leaned his forehead into her chest and breathed her in, willing his own tears to stop. He couldn’t imagine all that she went through as a kid.

He suddenly felt like an idiot, pushing her to go see her father because of his own residual guilt about his own father dying. Pat Halstead may have yelled and never supported him in his life choices, but he never, not once, raised his hands to his mother or to Will or to him. Jay never felt unsafe on the weekends, never had to hide up in his bedroom because he didn’t know what may happen.

Jay pulled away from her and pulled her sweatshirt down for her,

“Thank you for telling me.” He pulled her into his body and wrapped her into a tight hug. Hailey pressed a kiss to his chest through his shirt.

“Thank you for listening, and for understanding this is a lot for me.”

She felt Jay sit them up and he pulled away from her and looked her in the eyes, a serious look on his face. Hailey suddenly felt a pit in her stomach. He again took one of her hands in his and caressed her neck with the other one. 

“Hailey. I need you to know, that no matter what we may fight about or disagree on or whatever, that it will never result in me putting my hands on you like that. Ever. I just…I can’t even imagine. I promise you that.” 

Hailey smiled and nodded,

“I know that, Jay. I do.”

She leaned over and kissed him, his hands sliding up her body under her sweatshirt. She didn’t want to talk anymore, she didn’t want to think about her dad’s hands on her, she only wanted to think about this man sitting on her couch, who has been nothing but patient with her. She wanted to think about Jay’s hands on her.

Jay got the message, their silent way of communicating again coming in handy. He pulled her into his lap, her legs on either side of his. Hailey slipped her tongue between his lips, deepening the kiss. One hand reached up to his neck and the other found its place on his shoulder. Jay’s hands ran up and down her sides, his thumbs brushing over her nipples, pinching softly, and she rolled her hips into his, both moaning into each other’s mouths. Jay was getting ready to pull the hoodie over her head when the oven timer went off, making them pull away from each other.

Hailey sat back on her heels a little, Jay’s hands still rubbing soft circles on her skin when he felt her stomach grumble. They both let out a soft laugh,

“We’ll pick this up later.”

Jay nodded and felt her moving off him but pulled her back for a second,

“First, yes we will. Second, I really am sorry that I pushed my own guilt on you. I understand that my dad and I had our own separate issues, but nothing compared to what your dad did to you. If you decide to see him or not see him, talk to him or not, I’m with you on whatever you choose.”

Hailey dipped her head, nodding as he spoke.

“I…I just don’t want you to think I’m a bad person if I choose to not go, to not make it right before he maybe dies…”

Jay shook his head and pulled on her chin gently, so her eyes could meet his,

“I would never think of you as a bad person. You’re the best person _I_ know, that’s for sure. And thank you for telling me, really. It means a lot to me that you’re letting me in with this.”

Hailey nodded and kissed him again, “I’m sorry for snapping at you about it, I just…I need to learn to handle it my own way. But…I don’t want you to think I’m pushing you away.”

Jay shook his head,

“Hailey, it’s okay. I get it, trust me. It took me a long time to tell you about my dad. Like I said before, you wanna talk, or yell, or cry…you let me know. And I’ll be there.”

Hailey sat there, on his lap, and just looked at him, slightly at a loss for words,

“You don’t know how much that means to me.” She leaned over again and quickly pressed her lips to his, pulling away from his lap and padded to the oven to get their dinner out.

* * *

Jay and Hailey were back on her couch, wrapped up in a cozy blanket watching a random season of Friends. Hailey was laying between Jay’s legs, her back against his chest and her head laying right where she could hear the steady beat of his heart. Jay had his arms crossed on top of Hailey, his fingertips drawing nonsense patterns on her abdomen.

Hailey wasn’t really paying too much attention, her mind taking her back to when Jay told her about his father. She felt his chest rise and fall as he laughed at the antics on the show.

_It was a balmy September night, and for once the group left their desks at 6 pm on the dot. Jay had been in a weird mood all day, Hailey chalking it up the case they were working taking up every ounce of their free time that week. As Kim, Adam, and Kevin bounded down the stairs, shouting something about Molly’s, Hailey lingered at her desk waiting for her partner to shut his computer down._

_“Heading over there?”_

_Jay lifted his head to look at her, a little upset that she didn’t know what today was, that she didn’t say anything about why he was acting so off._

_“No. Not really in the mood.”_

_Hailey eyed him up and down, noting his furrowed brow and the tense way he held his shoulders. As she was grabbing her coffee mug off her desk, she caught her page-a-day calendar out of the corner of her eye, September 25 th. Hailey felt like an idiot. _

_“Yeah, me either. Wanna come over? I can throw something on the grill for us.”_

_She didn’t want him to be alone tonight. Jay met her eyes, and saw by the look on her face that she realized what today was. And by prompting him to do their thing, she was making sure he’d be okay, and not drinking himself into oblivion, and he appreciated that more than she could ever know._

_He smiled at her, “Sure. Meet you in an hour?”_

_Hailey smiled back, “You know where I live.”_

_They walked down the stairs together and out to their vehicles, Jay making sure Hailey was in her Jeep with the doors locked before heading over to his truck._

_Hailey got home, showered, and changed, pulling on black joggers and an old CCU crew neck and was cutting up veggies when she heard the knock on her door._

_She padded over, looking through the peephole out of habit, and saw Jay standing there, looking ridiculously handsome in his black tee shirt and jeans. Shaking herself out of it, she opened the door._

_“Hi!”_

_Jay stepped around her and into the foyer, and he felt himself calm down some, being in Hailey’s space always made him feel at ease. Why, well he wasn’t quite sure he was ready to address the why part with himself just yet_

_“Hey.” He handed her a 6 pack to put in the fridge._

_“Oh, thanks. You didn’t have to.”_

_Jay slipped his shoes off and walked into her kitchen, sitting at his designated placed at her island, and shrugged,_

_“Least I could do. You’re cooking.”_

_Hailey smiled and nodded, “Speaking of, do you mind lighting the propane?”_

_He laughed and went out the sliding doors, knowing she hated lighting the tank, and got to work. He came back in and resumed his place at the island, happy to drink his beer in a comfortable silence as she continued chopping the veggies._

_After they ate, and Jay helped her clean up, she lit her firepit for the first time all summer._

_“May as well use it once before I have to cover it up again.”_

_Jay chuckled, “I can’t believe you have such a cool backyard space and we’ve had no time to use it.”_

_Hailey shrugged, “I know right. To serving and protecting.”_

_They clanked their beer bottles together and settled into the chairs across from each other, sitting in a comfortable silence as they listened to the sounds of the city around them._

_Jay broke the silence after a little while,_

_“Thank you.”_

_Hailey turned her head and met his gaze, smirking a bit,_

_“I know I’m pretty great, but be more specific please.” She was trying to ease his emotions a bit, get him to laugh._

_Jay smiled softly,_

_“You know what for. Seriously, this helped. I was planning on going home and drinking myself unconscious.”_

_Hailey nodded,_

_“I know. But you don’t need to thank me, this is just part of the thing.”_

_Jay tipped his bottle in agreement towards her, and before his mind could tell his mouth to stop moving, he started talking,_

_“My dad…man, I never measured up in his eyes. Will was always the golden child to him. He was so proud that Will made the choice to go to med school and become a doctor. I’ll never forget when I told him I was enlisting after graduation.”_

_Hailey sat forward on her chair, eager to listen to Jay as he never fully opened up to her about his father, just giving her bits and pieces along the way. Like her own situation, she knew it was a touchy subject and often, let it be. So tonight, she was happy to listen to him, to be his shoulder to lean on._

_Jay pulled the bottle to his lip, taking a large sip and continued,_

_“He had this look of disgust in his eyes. He didn’t say anything, just shook his head and walked away. I was 18, not even legally able to drink a beer, but there I was, off to fight a war. I enlisted in 2004, I had no idea what I was getting myself into, Hails.”_

_She smiled at the use of her nickname, but said nothing, nodding for him to continue. She tried to remember what she may have been doing in 2004 when she was just 13 years old._

_“But my mom…she was so proud. She would tell anyone who would listen to her that her baby was going to the army, to fight for this country. The bank teller, the grocery store cashier, literally anyone. She got sick while I was away for my first tour, and she passed a couple months after I got home the first time, and that was a big reason why I went back. I couldn’t be here, in Chicago, alone. My dad was a shell of a person, Will was in New York, I had no one here. So I went back.”_

_Hailey could see his hands were shaking a bit and his Adam’s apple was sticking out, a telltale sign that he was getting chocked up. She got up from her chair and took the bottle from him, sitting on the arm of his chair, she placed her hand on his shoulder and gently squeezed, and she felt him lean into her side a little._

_“When I got back the second time, after my honorable discharge, well…you know what happened then.”_

_He referenced his undercover conversations with Camila and Luis two years prior, referencing his low point of drink, smoke, screw, fight. She nodded, rubbing her finger nails over his shoulder blade, this was the closest they had been…well, besides the time Jay threw himself on top of her, protecting her from the rainstorm of bullets a few months ago._

_“When I got my shit together and decided to join the academy, he had no feelings about that either. He didn’t even come to graduation…or so I thought.” His mind instantly brought him back to going through his father’s belongings and finding articles about the many saves he had made over the years along with a single photograph of Jay graduating the academy, and he felt the tears burning behind his eyes._

_Hailey was confused now, the last she knew, Jay’s father never saw him graduate._

_“What do you mean? So you thought?”_

_Jay lifted his head a little, realizing he never filled her in,_

_“Yeah…Will and I went to clean his place out after the fire. I found all these pictures and articles about me. Hailey, he was there at graduation. I had no idea.”_

_She felt her own tears well up at that, knowing how much it pained Jay that he never could get the approval from his dad he so desperately craved._

_“The last thing I said to him…before he died…I called him a thankless, old prick.”_

_Jay couldn’t keep it in, and he broke, crying silently into Hailey’s side._

_Choosing to ignore how this could further blur the line of partners, Hailey removed herself from her perch on the armrest, standing in front of him, and wrapped both her arms around Jay’s shoulders, pressing his face into her ribcage, letting him cry._

_She rubbed his back with one hand, keeping the other behind his neck, cradling his head against her. She was silently kicking herself for being so stupid, so careless that night._

_How could she not have gone to the hospital to check on him after he got shot, how could she not have made sure he was okay._

_What kind of partner was she?_

_Would things be different between them now had she went to see him instead of drowning her sadness in Adam?_

_If she was being honest with herself, that was the night she realized her feelings for Jay had shifted, from partners to best friends to something more._

_Shaking herself out of it, Hailey continued to hold him as he cried, mourning the loss of his father one year later. She kept rubbing his back softly, tracing the strong muscles there, feeling a piece of her own heart break a little bit._

_“Jay…I can’t imagine what you must feel, but I’m sure that deep down your dad knew you loved him. You just didn’t see eye to eye on many things. But he was still proud of you, even though he never told you. Just like he knows you love him, even though he’s not here for you to tell him.”_

_Hailey’s words made him feel a little better, but he kept his face pressed to her, inhaling the smell of her laundry detergent and her perfume, taking deep breaths to calm himself down._

Jay’s hand shaking her shoulder brought her back to the present.

“Where’d you go in there?” He tapped lightly at her temple, clearly having noticed she was swept away in a memory.

“Sorry, daydreaming I guess.” She turned her head and pressed a kiss to his jaw.

She looked at the clock, noting it was nearing midnight,

“Are you staying?”

Jay tightened his grip on her, “Only if you want me to. I didn’t want to assume…”

Hailey shook her head,

“Of course, I want you to stay babe.”

Jay smiled at her use of the new nickname between them, and prompted her to sit up so he could get off her couch.

“I have a bag in the truck, I’ll be right back.”

Hailey padded to the bathroom to brush her teeth and stripped her leggings off, leaving herself in her hoodie and cotton thong, she loved feeling her legs tangled with Jay’s. Never having been much of a cuddle person, she shocked herself when she couldn’t get enough of Jay’s presence next to her. She crawled into her bed, waiting for him to come back.

* * *

Hailey’s back was pressed to Jay’s chest. They never did pick up from where they left off earlier, but Jay was content to lay with her in his arms, and hold her as she slept. His left arm was securely around her middle, her hand locked in with his, as if she needed to feel him there. His right arm was stretched above him, cradled around her head. He felt a kick in his sleep, but simply tugged her tighter to him in his unconscious state of mind.

Hailey was reliving a particular day from her childhood, the one that resulted in her broken wrist at age 7. She was kicking against her father, trying to get away from him.

_“No.”_

_“Stop.”_

_“Daddy, I’m sorry.”_

Her body was thrashing against Jay’s, who was now fully awake and very clear on what was happening to her as the same thing still happens to him, she was having a nightmare.

“Hailey.”

He rubbed her arm, trying to bring her back to the present and away from her memory.

“Hey, Hails. You’re okay.”

She kept kicking against him, and he finally got both of her legs between his own, and he squeezed her arm again, a little harder, trying to get her to focus,

“Hailey.”

Her blue eyes shot open and she sat up, gasping for air and clenching her fists together, trying to stop her hands from shaking. Jay sat up with her and unclenched her hands, taking both of her small hands into his palm.

“Baby, you’re okay. It was just a bad dream.”

Hailey, embarrassed that he saw this happen, pissed off at herself for letting her father control her like this, pressed her face into his chest and breathed in his smell, just like what he did last year.

Jay wrapped his other arm around her back, holding her to him, while his thumb ran over her knuckles soothingly.

After a while, he felt her relax some.

“Wanna lay back down?”

Hailey nodded against him, and he brought their bodies down to the pillows. He wrapped the blankets around them, and he held her against his chest, as her legs tangled themselves with his. He didn’t think he’d ever get over how good her soft, toned legs felt against his.

“I’m sorry. This hasn’t happened to me in a long time.”

Jay tilted her face up to look at her,

“Don’t be sorry. You talked about him today, it’s all fresh in your mind. But you’re safe here, I’ve got you. I’m not going anywhere.”

Hailey sniffled and nodded again,

“I don’t wanna talk about what I was just dreaming about yet.”

Jay shook his head, and kissed her forehead,

“That’s okay. When you’re ready.”

Hailey pressed a quick kiss to his lips, burrowing into his body, needing to feel him around her.

To remind herself that she was safe.

To remind herself that she was loved.

To remind herself that Jay was here, and not going anywhere.


End file.
